the james lin monologues

On a last note, I've seen so many motivated individuals, mostly women, whose success I strive to emulate. I still lack that fierce and crude confidence that is so necesary in this world.

AstroBoy!

posted by James Lin Yuxi @ 10:21 PM 0 Comments

I had been desiring to go back to Jalan Jendela for quite some time now. It is the estate of the semi-detached terrace house I had lived in for more than two years, from my polytechnic days to the days of my national service.

So I went back last Sunday with Zhi Hao and had a really great time revisiting this little-known beautiful neighbourhood. Photography makes you pay attention to the beauty of little things you usually overlook or could not bother to care about.

Situated in Kranji, Jalan Jendela literally means the 'Street of Windows'. It is a peaceful, quiet and dangerous place at the same time. Yet, I fondly remember the joy of living in this well-hidden and secluded neighbourhood in the midst of industrial factories, the Zoo, the Turf Club and the War Memorial.

Down these high-gradient slopes of death, I would hop on my trusty skateboard for cheap thrills and desperate amusement, to the protest of the people-wary dogs of the neighbourhood. They would bark their heads off at anyone who so even dares to encroach within 50m of the gates they guarded.

A classic example of a small dog whose bark is larger-than-life.

"What the bark are you looking at?"



Of course, there's the occasional well-mannered dog of noble pedigree.

The authorities have even taken mugshots of dogs with disciplinary issues. The Bull Terrier looks like some modern day Robin-Hood pirate who robs the rich to feed the poor. The Dogo Argentino looks so guilty even before standing trial. This is such a cute notice sign by NParks.

After that, we headed down to the War Memorial to take more pictures and remember the soldiers who sacrificed themselves during WWII. It was a really meaningful and thought-provoking trip that made me admire these brave young men who did what was required of them to preserve the survival of their countrymen, despite having to pay the ultimate cost for it - their very own right to live.

I wonder what I would have done if I was a soldier, fighting the Japanese invaders alongside these brave young men. Would I have chosen to become a traitor, deserter or a patriot? How did these men find the strength to fight their physical enemies when they were battling hunger, fear and self-defeat?

Perhaps it is as Nerina Pallot said, that 'when you go through times in your life that are going to be testing, you find the strength that is unassailable.'

Looking at the inscriptions on the glorious white tombstones was an enlightening and spiritual experience. The words were so beautiful, dignified and reassuring to those whose lives were lost in the pursuit of a higher cause than their own selfish wants.

Looking at the flowers and ornaments beside the tombs, you can see how dearly these people meant to their families and friends. At the point of death, the deceased is released unto the heavens where only relief and joy are found. Yet, death continues to haunt the family and friends of those who are claimed by it for years without number.

In the midst of life, we are in death. What a beautiful way to describe our fragile lives, beyond the false security of life expectancy, good health, our achievements and our dreams. You could be having the best time of your life today and before you know it, be gone tomorrow.

You could be in the pink of health today and end up a deteoriating shell the next day. Who can haggle with God to take one more breath than what He wills for him? From the perspective of death, life seems so much more appealing.

In life, though we trudge on wearily, riddled by the pains that accompany our entry into this suffering world, at least we have a chance to live out a fulfilling life. I often wonder if the dead lying in their tombs hoped for a prolongment of wretched existence in exchange for living out their lives in full.

If it was up to me, I would have the epitaph of my tomb be written as 'faerieuni.blogspot.com'. My last wish is to tell my life story and show what kind of person I was when I was alive to whoever's interested to find out.

After all, I have unabashedly poured out my innermost thoughts, feelings, insecurities and fears on this blog. It is the fruit of my soul and spirit, the record of my triumphs and mistakes and a reminder of both good and bad times I have gone through. I could never delete or change my blog because it shows the transformation I have gone through, from glory to glory.

posted by James Lin Yuxi @ 12:24 AM 0 Comments

What I Have Been Bee-sy With

1. School

Since school started on 10th September, I have been going for classes on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday every week after work. Although it has been more tiring and time-consuming than I had expected, I really love my life now.

Working while you are schooling just puts a whole new perspective to the learning experience. I am more motivated to study now, even sacrificing my weekends to read the enormous amounts of readings, drawing mind maps and completing my assignments.

Finally, I have a reason to study because I can see the immediate fruits of my labour in my work and understanding of the public relations industry. For once, I am not taking my studies for granted because the period of study is short and I am sacrificing my recreational time just to attend classes.

I just cannot afford to have the same mindset as I had in my polytechnic days - whiling my days away as if I had all the time in the world. When I am in class, I pay 100% attention and do not even feel like dozing off. Night-time study is more conducive for me because it does not carry forward the 'sleep-lag' from waking up in the early hours of the morning.

Humans are like rubber bands, with immense potential that goes to waste if they are not stretched and challenged. Of course, if you overstretch it, it might just snap. But all in all, I like being challenged to manage both work and my studies simultaneously. I have never felt more fulfilled.

For my Media Law and Ethics module, I had to visit the Subordinate Courts for the first time. It was an eye-opening experience. One thing that stood out was the fact that the judge did not wear the white judicial headwear I have affectionately nicknamed “The White Afro”.

The atmosphere was formal and serious, with policemen standing guard at the doors. Also, we had to bow when the judge entered and left the court. There was an uncomfortable silence that was maintained throughout the session. It made me uncomfortably self-conscious and afraid to make even the most minute movement or sound.

It was enlightening to witness cross examination for the first time. It felt like a scene from a drama series as the lawyers would carefully phrase and ask one-line questions.

I realised that the reason why they go through this tedium is to get a clear answer to a question that has only one variable. This would 'trap' and prevent witnesses from suddenly changing their statements by claiming that they did not understand the previous questions.

However, there was not as much drama as I had anticipated. There were no calls of ‘objection’, ‘overruled’ and ‘sustained’. There were no warnings of contempt of court and the judge did not get the opportunity to tap her little hammer to quiet the rowdy crowd.


2. Nikki Victoria

The new girl in my life is Nikki Victoria. She is fun-loving, loves to dress in black and has photography in her genes. She is a Nikon D40 with Vibration Reduction (VR) Lens. I am currently learning photography from one of my closest friends, Zhi Hao, to embark on a secret project that will hopefully come to fruition in a few months.

Revenge never seemed so sweet and it occured to me that this is the reason why wars will never cease. We all just want to get back at those who hurt us, to do onto them more evil than what they have done to us. It seems that the only history people remember is bad history.

The way of the world is a mystery to me. The evil are feared but disliked while the good are well-liked but taken for granted. Whoever strikes fear into the hearts of men has control over the same. Yet, even the puppet master is merely a pathetic, distorted and depraved man who has been corrupted by the greatest sin of all - pride.

Is pride the greatest disease of the human race? While not everyone has an oversized alter ego and inflated visions of greatness, we all seem to fall short of humility in varying degrees. Dignity defines humans who differ from mere animals which do not possess civility. Pride deflates human dignity and is the defining quality of Lucifer, the one who had a great fall.

posted by James Lin Yuxi @ 2:17 AM 0 Comments

I've Got Jobbed

I felt so pissed off after going for interviews at two public relations firms last month. But I was angry with my own colleagues, rather than the interviewers. I had only realised during the interviews that what I have been doing at my company is the tip of the iceberg for public relations work. The rest are all errands and stuff certain people are too lazy to do themselves. One firm told me I could have learnt more in three weeks with them than in my current company.

After going through national service, I have understood hierarchy and how the world works. You always start at the bottom and do the mundane but neccessary things no one else wants to do. Everyone has to go through this stage before becoming qualified enough to do the things that really matter. And I was totally fine with that.

I delivered Starbucks coffee, posted letters, banked cheques, shopped for magazines and ran other errands. But I was furious about the fact that the internship I undertook was deemed not sufficient a job experience for me to qualify for an entry-level position in the public relations industry.

Which is why you have to ask about your job scope and express your interest to be involved in the whole process of an industry when you are applying for an internship. Be proactive to ask your superiors to show you the ropes because most firms do not have a structured internship program.

Both firms wanted me to be an intern again and my face totally switched its colour in an instant. I was at a point when I felt discouraged to stay in the media industry. I would rather work in a less preferred company or industry, wherever an opportunity is given for me to prove myself. My short-term goal is just to pay for my degree and earn some life savings before I graduate.

The job climate in Singapore shows a certain bias against diploma graduates by labelling them not qualified enough for an entry-level job. In the present state of the economy, employers would rather hire degree holders and pay them salaries less than the usual rate, blaming the financial crisis.

People will tell you that in certain industries, the subject of your degree is not important. I have seen a colleague in advertising with a degree in music and a colleague in a public relations firm with an accounting degree.

Which brings me to the question - how can it be that a degree-holder in music is considered more qualified than a diploma-holder in mass communications when it comes to doing an advertising executive's job well?

The employers readily give job vacancies to degree-holders but think nothing of a diploma-holder who has a relevant diploma and is furthering his studies in a relevant degree. Being keen, diligent and having a good attitude earns you no points in this area.

I understand now why people say that opportunities are hard to come by. Or why it is crucial to have a wide network of useful contacts. I have come to realise that what separates industry leaders from undiscovered talents is opportunity. Without a window of opportunity, a diamond in the rough stays rough, never to accomplish its true purpose and potential.

Meritocracy and equality are unfulfilled ideals of even the most supportive society. How can a society can be meritocratic when not everyone is qualified or can afford to go to university? With the high barriers to entry in the job market, how does one break through the wall of excuses built up by unscrupulous corporate hypocrites?

How does one gain relevant industry experience when he is not even given an opportunity to be in an entry-level position? I just hate listening to obvious lies about the lack of experience to exploit the young and ambitious to undertake infinite internships.

But I have been very lucky and grateful to have been offered a two-month temporary contract as an entry-level employee (PR Coordinator) by my current firm. The managing director and other colleagues were very kind to even offer me the job, considering the varying instances of bull they could have shoved in my face. And they said they would consider hiring me full-time if the economy takes a turn for the better and new businesses accounts are won.

I am so happy that I have a job title now. At least it will look good on my resume and make it easier for me to put up a smokescreen during job interviews. And for the first time, I know I am worth a salary, however meagre it may seem to others.


Living In Boxes

It was with these congruent thoughts that I became enlightened about the state of our uncreative minds. People say that Singaporeans cannot think out of the box but they have never found out the reasons why we seemed trapped like Jack-In-The-Box all our lives.

Do you know why Singaporeans never seem to be able to think out of the box? This is because all our lives, we are being put into boxes. Since young, we have been inculcated with the notion that success is all-important and that it comes by one way, and one way only - education.

We never had to think for ourselves or question the established order. We were told to trust and do whatever is said by whomever mattered in society. We never had to make difficult personal choices or take risks.

We were told to pursue the path of least resistance and to climb the corporate ladder swiftly. Purchasing our children's future by getting them into a good primary school and asking them to aim for the best secondary schools and junior colleges. Telling them to get a prestigious degree and become a doctor, lawyer, banker or CEO no matter whether that is what they want to do in life or not.

We undermine the importance of often understated skills, hobbies and interests in living a fulfilling life and perhaps, even carving out a career path. We are shallow 'textbook' people, putting in the bare minimum input to try to achieve maximum potential output.

How many of us truly went against the flow of most resistance and read beyond the recommended text? Walked the path least travelled and fought the uphill battle? Have you ever done anything that was not tried and tested to achieve a future that empirically does not add up? I personally have never persisted in something I did not find myself good at.

And we ask why citizens prefer to work and live overseas. We are among the smartest people in the world but we are treated like fools in our own country. Look at Americans in 'Who's Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader?' who do not know if there will be a remainder when 30 is divided by four. There was even a woman who did not know the radius of a circle if its diameter is 20cm. The video below proves my point. (Honestly, I did not mean to be so blunt and I have nothing against Americans at all)

I have decided to stop being square and fight the box face-to-face, now that I know what it looks like and how it works. The only box they will successfully place me in is the coffin I will lie in, against my will and over my dead body. And just to make a statement, my last wishes for my family would be to cremate me and scatter my ashes in the wind upon the highest mountaintop they can ascend.

While I was alive, people tried to place me in boxes. When I am dead, they shall by no means succeed.

Spoon-fed and underexposed, young people do not know what direction to take or even what to do with their lives. They followed the 'game plan' faithfully but all they are being told is that they are not qualified to do this and that.

The tears I shed are not for me; they are for my generation. One that is afraid to love, afraid to live and afraid to make choices for themselves. Sheltered, robbed of confidence and pushed to their limits in an overcompetitive realm with little barriers to foreign entry. They were born free in this country but made to live as a slave to its economy.

I can hear their desperate cries for a deeper meaning amidst all the confusion. And the fine dining, fashion and clubbing they are indulging in cannot quite seem to fill the holes in their souls or answer the questions in their hearts.

Are Singaporeans born to die in the land they call home? To lead a corporate life of economic prosperity but a personal life of hopelessness, lifelessness and futility. Being afraid to explore, venture and fail, they end up not trying anything at all.

posted by James Lin Yuxi @ 3:25 AM 2 Comments

Pieces of My Mind #7

1. Quotable Quotes The saying that the world is my oyster is technically correct. Just that if I was to be politically correct, I happen to be the dust in its mouth and a pearl in the making.

2. Travel I want to be a citizen of the world; a lone sailor exploring the realms of the unknown. To be an avid collector of dust from all around the world. To take in the different sights, sounds, tastes and smells. To be able to feel and sense what others are incapable of detecting. To call a motel home sweet home and airplanes my primary transport vehicle.




It has also become my dream occupation - to write for The Rake. But I probably would have to start by working for Style: Men or August Man first. As if that is not hard enough in the first place.

4. Man-Child I am at an awkward stage of my life, running on the thin line which separates the end of childhood and the start of adulthood. I find it hard to fulfil what people expect of a 22 year-old man. After all these years, I am still very much an 18 year-old youth at heart.

I am not that boy with the wind-swept hair and walks on air. The hyper socialite whom people flatter and promote because he seems like he would succeed in life all by himself anyway.

I do not possess that straight confident pose or that stride that strikes fear into the deepest parts of a human soul. Nor do I own pretty, fiery eyes that demand all of a person's attention. I do not speak with a sharp tongue that is directed by a witty brain.

Anyway, I realised that I have gotten awkward around girls after army. Even when I am plainly having a meal or conversation with someone I do not have a crush on. It could attributed to that fact that I did not come into contact with the female race for 14 days of every month while I was stuck in camp.

Or the fact that I did not have one decent conversation in English for longer than 5 minutes in the whole term of my National Service. I honestly do not remember utilising more than 30 per cent of my intelligence at any point of time in these two years.

5. Suburbia I happened to be in Paya Lebar the other day and realised how much I missed living in the East. It looked like a scene out from a Malaysian movie; dusty old malls, weird unknown stores and people who did not look like locals.

The suburban peace and quiet was so beautiful and taught me to appreciate the simple joys of life. Sitting on a chair and feeling the warm breeze on my face, with Malay pipe music playing in the background, I truly enjoyed breathing for the first time.

6. Friends I have always enjoyed touch-and-go relationships with friends. To me, friends are good to have but not necessary. That is not to say that I would not be there for them if they needed me. I just do not like doing the same things with the same people all the time. I happen to lack initiative to call people out as well.

I just find it too inconvenient. I am a selfish and impulsive person who loves doing things on the moment's spur. I catch a movie whenever I want to and I do not require three friends to accompany me.

I will tend to be closest to the circle of people my daily life revolves around. If they do not ask me out after they phase out of my life, I usually would not ask them out for a year or so. But I will surely go for any event that people ask me to, whether they are good friends or just acquaintances.

I am not an anti-social loner; I am just not afraid of being alone. I can eat and watch a movie alone without feeling pathetic. I never seemed to have understood how people can feel so alone when people are all around them all the time. When people ask me why I am watching a movie alone, I would always ask them how could I be watching it alone when there are so many other people in the cinema.

I have always preferred hanging around normal or underaverage people. I do not know if it is pity or their humilty that draws me to them. Both maybe, and the fact that I find it comfortably easy to be myself when I am with them.

Lastly, I am so comfortable to be alone because I know it is everyone's fate to be emotionally cut off and alone on his deathbed, whether there are friends and family beside him or not. I am also a guy who does not like to belong to anyone or any group. I like to be undefined and unique; I am who I am.

Am I haughty, aloof and standoffish?

Or just plain insecure?

I guess I will never find out.

But just in case you were wondering, I do not howl at the full moon.

posted by James Lin Yuxi @ 10:41 PM 0 Comments