I want to share some things that have excited me these past few days.
Last friday, we had an encounter retreat where Silvestre taught about sin and Jesus's redeeming work. We had a time of identifying strongholds and praying against them. I was one of the facilitators, not expecting much of a personal breakthrough.
I was hugely surprised as I was asked to do the exercise with Silvestre. We went through my 'minor'(if I may use this word. I know no sins are minor.) sins and prayed for it. I could have left it at that, but I chose to confess to him further about my 'major' sins.
I was struggling to garner courage to tell Silvestre that I had slowly gone back to my old ways after I was disciplined by the pastoral leaders. I was thinking, "He and the leaders are not going to be pleased when they hear this."
James 5:16 says,
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
But after confessing my 'minor' sins, I realized the truth, power and liberation of the verse above. I suddenly felt a breakthrough and release in the spiritual realm. I decided to confess the 'major' sins to be healed and made whole again.
After the first discipline, I had lost many gifts like the passion to pray, love and serve. Privileges like discipling others were taken from me. I was not allowed to serve in any ministry for 6 months. I felt so alone but God alone sustained me.
I was affected by the emotional, spiritual and mental trauma of the consequences of my sin. I felt betrayed and naive because God seemed to let me be bound by Satan after my two years of faithful love and service.
The truth is I chose to go back to my comfort zone. Like a pig that has been washed clean, I went back to wallow in the miry clay. Like a fortress of delight, I went back to my old stronghold and dwelt in it. I played with sin and thought that grace would abound.
Do not be ignorant. Grace will abound but sin will cost you a heavy price. You can be assured that God loves you even if you fall but some part of you will surely die. My sin was big, orchestrated by the Devil and performed by me, and it's price was big. It affected me in ways obvious and subconscious.
However, grace did abound. These few days, I have had breakthroughs with God in worship, intercession, prayer and the Word. God revealed things I have been puzzled about and I have been refreshed and renewed.
I have become more broken and contrite. God has become my Defender and Vindicator; He swept condemning thoughts away. His Spirit guaranteed that I am a child of God. I am assured, no matter what happens, that everything will work out for my good though I did not intend it.
I was afraid, this time, that I might be excommunicated because of the severity of my sin. I was so distracted on saturday during cellgroup and service by the fear of the consequences. Please pray for me that I may deal with this in boldness, truthfulness and humility. I pray I will not fight to defend myself but let God be my Defender.
My conclusion is to always confess. I have done this twice and took on the discipline afterwards. I had so much to lose; my reputation, relationships with cellgroup members and opportunities to serve. But this is all meaningless and insignificant when you know what God cares about most.
He cares most about the truth. He wraps Himself in light and no deceit is found in His heart. He is the One who says that our worship must be in spirit and in truth. There is no point hiding your deeds from an all-knowing God and pretending to be spiritual. In fact, He chides spiritual pretensions.
1 John 1:5-10 says:
This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.
If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
The truth will set us free but we are required not only to know it, but to speak it. Satan wants to turn us away from the power of confession by making us focus on our guilt, shame and the consequences. Let's defy and rebel against Satan's old lie that we can be perfect on earth. We all know we are called to be godly, not God.
The power of confession surpasses all knowledge that you may have. Accountability shows sin as it is, evil and harmful. When you confess, God releases His healing and breakthroughs into your life.
The Bible says, "There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed." and "Your sins will find you out". We honour Him when we do His will, His way. We please Him when we confess our sins, not wait for someone to find us out.
I can leave confession, repentance and renouncement to the Day when things in my life, good and bad, are flashed on the giant LCD screen in Heaven, but it might be too late. I would have missed out on God's will for me.
The point is I had already done what I done. Keeping mum about it does not make me righteous but more unrighteous. If I did not confess, people might have looked up to me as a 'great man of God', the much sought-after title of the church.
But God would not consider me such because He wants us to be naked and unashamed before Him. He does not want us to hide from Him to cover our nakedness as Adam and Eve did. He understands we are made of dust and He is our High Priest who symphatizes with us. We must be authentic with those we love.
The greatness of a man is in the measure of his surrender. I choose to surrender my life to His sovereignty. To be judged, chastened and healed by my Saviour is my privilege and right as a son whom God loves.
I choose to believe that His hand is not too short to save nor is anything that happens to me out of His will. I choose to believe that the weight of glory that is going to be in my life will surpass the burden of suffering.
I have fallen but I have not backslided. I have sinned but I have not given up. I hunger and thirst for the true righteousness that God will supply me. The promise will come because I have obeyed Him. Always remember that Jesus's prayers were heard because of His reverent submission.
What would you do in my case? A piece of advice: Never give up, never lose hope and never think "backslide". Let's thank God we are saved by grace and work out our salvation in fear and trembling.
2 Corinthians 7:10 says:
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
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