I took a long time to finish reading 'Where is God When It Hurts' by Philip Yancey. This book taught me a lot of things about how to deal with my own suffering and suffering people.
The main points I have gathered from this book include making meaning out of suffering and to hold on to whatever control you still have over your life. To be honest, one can rarely find any true meaning in life, let alone suffering.
Suffering, seen in the most positive light, is still something bad that befalls the victim. Sometimes, the only meaning you can find from your suffering is the joy you get from helping and sharing in the woes of others like you.
2 Corinthians 1:4, 6 speaks of the ministry a suffering person can undertake.
4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.
When I talk about having control over your life, it does not mean that you put on a brave front and push all negative thoughts out. But rather, cry your eyes out and then develop a positive attitude to deal with your problems.
I have observed what grief does to people. It makes them ramble on and on about how they do not deserve this tragedy. But in hindsight, it is actually part of the healing process. Once they realise they have said everything they can about it, they will start to think 'Okay, what should I do now?'.
I have found a mysterious power at work in us when we swear, curse and complain. All our troubles just seem so minute and insignificant after we throw off that emotional baggage in a barrage of swear words. I think we need to give suffering people adequate time to curse, reflect and than repent.
We must understand that there are no right or wrong emotions, especially when it is an effect resulting from a cause. Do not rush the recovery stage and ruin the important lessons you as a unique sufferer have to learn by yourself, which will be helpful to you in the future. What is the hurry to return to normalcy when suppressing your emotions would be abnormal?
Where madness lies can peace also be found. People, suppressed by societal pressure, are not very comfortable with showing their feelings. But we have to accept and validate our feelings because they are going to stay with us anyway, no matter how hard we try to shrug them off.
If there is a lesson psychology and its experiments seek to teach us, it will be the revelation that none of us are as normal as we like to think we are.
We are often impatient with suffering people and advise them to get out of their pity parties. What we should be doing is to empathise and give the suffering person time to recover. All that pressure for him to be positive and overcome depression or anger makes him feel like a fool who had irrational outbursts.
Be careful of what you say to suffering people. What is it about people to overanalyse things? Bad stuff happen to good people without rhyme or reason all the time. But we find it our duty to march into hospital wards like basketball coaches, asking them to control the situation and make the best out of it.
All a suffering person needs is half an hour spent, telling them how incapable you are of knowing what to say. It will comfort the sufferer because he will be glad to know that he is not the only one who does not know what to think about his loss. Tell him that you will support him emotionally all the way.
Handicapped people do not need or want pity. All they need is a stage to show that they are more complete than many people ever will be, despite their disadvantage. From Team Hoyt and Nick Vujicic, we can see the resilience of the human spirit.
Below is an excerpt of feelings I had just over a year ago.
I have not yet fought a battle I have been so unsure of winning. How can a heart sing when it is filled with trouble, sadness and anxiety? It's amusing how humans find it an amusing game to have their lives torn in bits and then try to piece it back again.
I am like a man drunk to the point of death but of wine I have not partaken. His words are gibberish; a string of syllables which makes no sense. The mouth of his heart is seared by a hot iron and his lips speaks not what his heart wants to say.
Pondering late sorrows, words come out of my mouth, revealing the hurt inside. I feel lost and weak; confused and helpless. I feel like a wave in the sea tossed about by the wind. For once in my life, I am at a loss at what to say. Been silenced by adversity, been made mute by sadness and robbed of happy things to say.
Her Diamonds was written by Rob Thomas after his wife was diagnosed with ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease, which is a progressive, fatal and neurodegenerative disease that attacks the nervous system.
When you see me in emo mode, do not worry. If not for emotion, there would be no poets in the world. I am just traversing in the mind state of poets and this is where I think creativity is unleashed and our souls are truly set free to express itself.
Just Let it Be
Let your smile be radiant and your laughter loud
Let your tears flow freely like a fountain
Let your blood boil like a kettle
Let your blood boil like a kettle
Let your mind race and your heart palpitate
Let your other nervous system take the rein
Let your heart speak its mind
1 comment:
Got to lend me that book when I'm back.
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