Late night insomnia and more than four weeks of idleness and unproductiveness led me to read some blogs. And I going to swim tomorrow and have cellgroup and night life to tackle. Man, I need the strength of God for tomorrow. I hate long holidays. It’s so ironic; I’m ten times more productive in school days and I had more fun too. Now I feel like blogging; I haven’t blogged in ages.
Jeremiah 17:9 says it all, "The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” The new age religion tells us, “Follow your heart and you’ll never be wrong.” That’s really a load of lies from the devil. Want to know what’s in our hearts? The very seed of the knowledge of good and evil that partly caused the separation between God and Man. Coupled with the weakness of our flesh, even if the spirit was willing, we do the things we will not to do. I have never done the things I should because I followed my heart.
Let me just say that no one on earth is good; those who say they are just haven’t been tested by trials and temptations. Trials come and trials go but with every test our heart is known. Will we trust the Lord and love Him more or would we turn away and return no more? We’re not supposed to fail tests; they are meant to distinguish us from the rest. And how we often wonder why the Teacher doesn’t speak during a test. We’re supposed to seek the Lord regardless of whether we passed or failed the test; He already knew the sins you were going to commit but He chose you in the beginning anyway. He is not concerned with your falls, but whether you’ll get up. Trust, dependence and faith in God is the key to overcoming trials.
I have been getting deeper in the knowledge of the Lord and yet I never seem to be even close to knowing the infinite Person of God. And though I was greatly enflamed with the fire of the Spirit, I had to ruin God’s work in me, just as so many other times, by the sin that so easily ensnares me. Francis Frangipane said this, “With new levels come new devils.” I always say “Lust but not the least, is my greatest sin.” I often judge the weaknesses of people with arrogance but God has deeply humbled my heart by showing me my own. I am reminded that even when we think are right, we are still wrong, because of weaknesses that are hidden in us. We’ll never be perfect, not in this lustful flesh or wicked world. Sometimes I am really amazed at why God chose me though He already knew what I was going to commit. Dying on the Cross for a sinner like me; that I will never and still cannot totally comprehend. I used to be idealistic, thinking I could attain very close to the measure of the stature of Christ. However, the more I know and learn, the more I see how much I fall short of the glory of God. And I have done things I’m too ashamed to speak off. And try as I may to bury them with me in the grave, God will require of me an account for those regretful moments in Heaven.
How often God wanted to do great works in me and all others saved by His grace. I am appalled at the wickedness and hardness of my own heart. And more than that, I’m really sad because I gave up the priceless for the worthless. And not only that, every time I sinned, I was separated from God. God brings this charge upon us in an Old Testament verse, “I am misrepresented by those who don’t know me.” Do you have any idea why we don’t know God as we ought? Because we sin and are driven further and further from Him. We bring disgrace to God’s name by misrepresenting Him. I’ve seen Star Wars Episode 3 and Kingdom of Heaven and understood what this verse was talking about. Star Wars took the Spirit as a force and the Roman Catholics a.k.a Great Prostitute in Revelations don’t know God. They would say things like, “If you cross over the stormy sea today and die, then your journey was not God’s will. If you don’t, then it is.” Killing Muslims in the name of God, they were just fighting for land and wealth.
I want to write new songs for God again. I want to crush the gates of hell by personal and corporate evangelism. I want to be disciplined to pray and intercede for this world. I want not only knowledge, but wisdom. I want the fear of the Lord. I want to read the Bible and be given understanding. I want to be sincere and true, practicing what I preach. I want to die that Christ may live in me. I want to fast that I may be hungry for Him. I want the true love of God to fill me so much I can love others. I want to know God for who He is. I want to be patient with my sheep and cause them to bear so much fruit. I want to hear God and recognize His voice. I want my dad to get saved. I want my sister to grow in Christ. I want my school friends to ask me about Jesus. I want genuine faith and righteousness. I want the gift of prophecy and interpretation of tongues. I want to see visions and dream dreams. I want to be obedient. I want to honour my parents. I want to be more desperate for Jesus than my life or anything in it. I want to tell my disciples about Jesus and I want them to believe and imitate me as I imitate Christ. I want to be chosen. I want to be weak and humble so that God may be proud of me and strong in me. I want to be perfect. I want to be significant, not prominent. I want to be rich in the riches of God. I want to live as if I would die tomorrow.
So many ‘I want’s, so little time and energy. Don’t worry about me; Christ guards His broken ones real carefully. It’s when we broken then He can piece us together the way he wants us. I love You, God…
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