Journal of James's Journey with Jesus

Anger That Demands An Explanation

You see the fruits of our rage and you wonder why we are angry. But do you not realise hurt people hurt people? While it is right in a sense to not let our hurt affect others, do you therefore shift the blame from the perpetrators of this hurt to us, the real victims?

While a pastor has a pulpit to preach from, and whatever he says from there is considered 'the Word of God' and Gospel truth, renegades like us have only blogs to speak out against evil and injustice. And the pastor has a right of reply; his very own one-hour sermon whereby gossip is not considered gossip but an edifying teaching.

I have witnessed our utmost faith in our pastors, as I myself have once embraced. But I realised too late that an uncritical mind does not make a good Christian. It makes you a blind Christian following the blind leaders and they will lead you straight to the pit. Having faith without asking questions is like believing in any religion without understanding it.

The way in which we defend our pastors without fully understanding the argument of the opposition almost certainly makes him an infallible man; prone to no falsehood, deceit or error. We are becoming more like the Catholic Church, whereby whatever the Pope says is right. It is still a dictatorship, no doubt a 'godly' one.

I am not accusing any pastor of being deceitful but we have to admit that even a man of God is not free from errors all the time. He's not God after all; that's why he has the title 'man of God'. A pastor might not see what a member sees, no matter how he thinks he is able to see the full and bigger picture.

I have found that deep in my veins run the blood of a Protestant. And so I will protest against rubbish teachings as Martin Luther King once protested. Was he well-liked by the Church? No. Did the majority understand his argument at that time? No.

But let my fruits prove my roots. You will see in time that those who have been accused of 'spreading malicious lies' about the Church have been faithful stewards of the Word, warning God's people about hypocrisy within its walls. It would not be the first time it happened, as Galatians 2:11-16 shows.

11 Now when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed;

12 for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision.

13 And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy.

14 But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, “If you, being a Jew, live in the manner of Gentiles and not as the Jews, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews?

15 We who are Jews by nature, and not sinners of the Gentiles,

16 knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified.


People will say that we should have gone to clarify things with the leader first. If he doesn't listen, we'll bring more people to reason with him. If all else fails, we should treat him as a non-christian. We've done everything but the last step.

When a church leader does not listen to our feedback, we have to withstand him to the face. Paul did not even give Peter the benefit of an internal discussion. He made a big commotion because he could not stand hypocrisy. And neither should we.

History does repeat itself; humans always make the same mistake twice. I have seen time and time again the same question being asked as if it has a difficult answer. As a Christian, do we have to adhere to all the biblical laws immediately? My answer is no.

We should obey the major laws, whereby sin is literally defined in 'black and white'. We should leave the rest primarily to the Holy Spirit's work of transformation. What we should depend on next is our conscience(our in-built warning alarm against wrongdoing) and our works of reformation which take a lifetime to produce much fruit.

We have such a kiasu Singaporean mindset even in our pursuit of God. We seem to be constantly fixated on how much is learnt or changed in the shortest time possible. But foundations are built slow and strong. Buildings built in haste will fall hastily.

The one fact we have to accept is that Jesus gave us all eternity to learn about and commune with Him. Let's not be impatient and rush His work. There's only so much we can do in our short, earthly life. We do what we can and God will do what He does.

Character is not built up artificially. Form can be feigned but substance cannot. It takes trials, remorse over sins and obviously, time to build up the temple of God. Can our sins actually bring us to love God more? Luke 7:40-46 answers that question.

40 And Jesus answered and said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” So he said, “Teacher, say it.”

41 “There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty.

42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.” And He said to him, “You have rightly judged.”

44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head.

45 You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in.

46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil.


Are you in danger of being too confident about your spiritual health? Of being so much like God you feel like you no longer need forgiveness? Beware, spiritual pride can rob you of godly love.

Maybe you're wondering why you've not been affected if the problem is so widespread? The reason is that you've not been betrayed by the system yet. The truths of sensitive people are often downplayed by the apathetic.

I was like that once. I saw people hurt by the leadership and I tried to comfort them by saying they should seek God, not their grievances. I told them not to play the blame game but to judge themselves. This is the way I have always dealt with my own personal issues.

But I did not realise that their anger was rational and righteous. They tried not to be angry but were not supplied a rational explanation. Time and time again, trespasses were committed against them until a concoction of irrational human emotions took over their rational processes.

It's like you were slapped on one cheek for little or no reason and you ask why the person hit you. He gives you some spiritual excuse and you forgive him the first time on the account of trust between two Christian brothers and the fact that you probably did something terribly wrong. But then the person slaps you again and you know for sure you can't have done anything warranting that.

Mistakes were made but not admitted. Remorse was not shown and errors were repeated. Excuses were made and no reasons were given.

Hurt people didn't care if they hurt people anymore. They just wanted the hurting to stop. They didn't care if others thought they were gossiping. They wanted to expose the lies.

In the name of unity, I persuaded people to look past the mistakes of others. But I started wondering to what end we were uniting ourselves. Were we united to becoming spiritually blind or more discerned in the Word of God?

What I can say is this; there is no perfect church. In a church, there will always be conflicts between loving Christians. But those who are blind will always agree in unison that they can't see any problem in the church.

I left my church not because I could not attain to the standards set; I just cannot be the enforcer of senseless things. I am able to encourage, teach and love anyone who comes to me with a burdened heart. But I am not able to do so for all my disciples and the whole cellgroup.

I have seen my cellgroup grow from a single cellgroup to the many branches existing today. Yet, I have probably seen more leave the cellgroups than the number of those still in the cellgroups today.

I felt a sense of futility and helplessness. To what extent were my efforts useful in building up another Christian? If people were being hurt rampantly, they would just leave by the droves. I did not want to waste my time or effort in a church that had a high turnover rate.

So what if we have tons of newcomers and so few 'old birds'? It would soon amount to a leadership crisis. Were people leaving with faith in the One true God in their hearts or were they leaving with broken hearts that will never trust again? Do we realise the impact of stumbling our brothers?

Some verses from Matthew 23 shows Jesus's displeasure with certain leaders of God's people.

3 Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do.

4 For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

5 But all their works they do to be seen by men.

13 “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in.

15 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte, and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves.

23 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone.

25 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence.

26 Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.

27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.

28 Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

We built a house just to destroy it. We won a convert just to stumble him. We lead a man into the premises where he cannot find out who God is.

We're supposed to be the salt of the world but we've become as distasteful as MSG. You shouldn't be hyper or under spiritual. You can't be in a world of your own or let the world own you. You can't love people of the world without being vulnerable and exposed to their world.

We often think we can take back hurtful words but hasty words make a slow retreat. Before you accuse, think carefully. Before you judge, think twice. Before you think you know what's happening, bother to find out the truth first. You can't find out the truth by being fearful of it.

When leadership has become laddership, all that's left is a system and chain of command. God has chosen you but you've gone in the wrong direction. Even Moses listened to others.

If you depend on only one source(your own knowledge and opinion), you can easily go wrong and be confused. And please don't give me that 'God speaks to me about everything' speech. God is not a spammer; sometimes we interpret more than what He's saying and mask our words as His.

Unless you're the two witnesses or someone who's seen the perfect law. Maybe it's time to weep for your own sin.

Exodus 18 says,

17 Moses' father-in-law replied, "What you are doing is not good.

19 Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people's representative before God and bring their disputes to him. .

22 Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you.

23 If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied."

24 Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said.