1. You will only know how well your family treats you after you experience how badly people treat you.
2. What does an unborn chick have in common with a fully grown chicken?
Ans: They both just wanna get laid.
3. Tell the optimists to rejoice because the best is yet to come. Tell the pessimists to rejoice because the worst is yet to come.
4. Katy Perry looks stylish and cute, acts like a quirky rock star but sounds absolutely horrible. She can't sing live and she likes to do her trademark 'Strangled Goose' expression whenever she's performing.
I've never personally liked Rap, R&B and Hip Hop music. And their oligopoly of the music charts show the sign of depravity of the music scene and why democracy is not always good. Some people actually listen to lyrical crap as long as there's a nice melody or beat.
Alanis Morisette mocked Black Eyed Peas by doing a cover of 'My Humps' that showed the utter nonsense people are listening to. And it's funny how almost every music video replicates scenes with scantily clad women, bling blings and tattoos.
5. I recently realised why people treat the 21st birthday so importantly and try to make it a big celebration affair. It seems that birthdays after you turn 21 don't matter because of the many more uneventful years that will be coming.
Birthday celebrations seem to be about the celebration of youth. After turning 21, no one wants to be reminded of how old, boring and unaccomplished they are after all these years. So treasure your 21st birthday before it's all gone. It is the last ever real birthday you'll ever have and also the last day you'll be a kid.
6. I've been stuck in the office for hours, staring blankly at the screen or aimlessly at Chinese newspapers. My brain's bored out of it's mind from filing papers tediously and trying to increase productivity in insignificant activities. I've been to Starbucks, the bank, the postal office and the book store countless times. I think I should change my name to Erran soon, short for Errand Boy.
7. I recently realised that I am actually homophobic and I'm not proud of it. I think all this fear is generated from underexposure to homosexuals, which means I'll probably have to go gay clubbing one day just to understand them better and be less biased against them.
Prepare to hear the confessions of a self-confessed homophobe as I try to deconstruct homophobia into its basic elements.
First, an intriguing question is why guys especially think lesbians are hot but are so afraid of gays. The only rational reason I can find is that guys have always been the physically stronger, aggressive and dominant race. Suddenly, we are exposed to such a different side from gay men that we are overwhelmed by surprise. Most lesbians seem to have little outward change in their personalities or appearance.
It makes us a little jittery as we don't know how to act towards same sex people with an opposite sexuality. I know how to treat guys like buddies and girls like sisters/friends/potential lovers. But I have no idea how to interact with a homosexual man as a platonic friend. To know how not to lead them on, hurt their feelings or even the topics to talk about.
I just fear that a man might just fall for me one day. I'm not egoistic to think that I'm hot like cupcakes but I just can't help feeling like red meat in a sea of sharks when I'm around self-confessed homosexual men.
I just never thought of the possibility for guys to like each other. And when this possibility opens up, I can't help but feel exposed. I guess 'normal' guys are afraid to find out that they aren't so normal after all.
We're afraid to find out that maybe it's true that some people are born this way, us included. What if we had gay tendencies but never realised it? Or what if it's an acquired taste that can be developed over time? We tend to think of it as a disease that we might catch if we get too close to homosexuals.
Afraid that one day, Prince Charming might thwart Sleeping Beauty's hopes and sweep us off our feet. Afraid that one day, we might have to carry the burden of society's stigma and our parents' grave disappointment.
For once in my life, I actually cannot analyse an issue properly and identify the erroneous thought processes in my mentality. It's been ingrained in us since we were young and this is why discrimination against homosexuals is still a lingering problem in our society.
8. I don't understand why but it seems like every single girl wants a pretty boy as a boyfriend nowadays. We've officially entered into the age of the pretty boy's reign. Don't know what I am talking about?You've probably seen them everywhere. The poster boys of Singapore donning that well- tapered knee-length pants and figure-hugging t-shirt that give off that smart, neat and sophisticated look. This particular species of men can be seen in large numbers loafing around town in their loafers, the finishing touch to the delicate frame of the pretty boy.
The impeccably pressed and wrinkle-free pants usually come in silvery gray, white or black variations. The T-shirt, also available with a collared version, usually comes in gray, white or black variations too.
Once fully equipped, the pretty boy looks untouchable by dust with a bubbly aura of protection, descending from the heights of fashion heaven. I just wonder how many house elves pretty boy employs/enslaves to maintain his ever picture-perfect look. I guess he'll do whatever it takes to have a dazed and mesmerizing lady clinging to his arm.
Zara, River Island and Topman should just create a package consisting of the three apparel items for $200. I think lots of uncreative pretty boy wannabes will snap it right up the moment they're released. I just can't understand people who spend more than $100 on a plain, ordinary and distasteful Polo T-Shirt.
9. I like girls who wear no makeup and are low-maintenance. First of all, I think once you start using make-up, you can't stop using it. For some unknown reason, makeup seems to suck out the lively glow your face once had. And then you're trapped into buying product after product from the cosmetic market in an attempt to cover up the mistake you made when you let the that foundation powder desecrate your face for the first time.
Secondly, guys never know what girls are expecting them to say. They may have spent hours and wads of cash to shop for that perfect shade of mascara, eyeliner, blush, foundation powder and lipstick. Let's not even talk about the tedious and time-consuming application of the cosmetic products upon their face.
Are we supposed to fall on our knees in awe and tell them how that fake eyelash helped me appreciate them more as a person? Wow, I've never seen a fake eyelash like that before. No, you fake it very well. I actually sympathise with women because there's an expectation of them to look good and perfect all the time. They've got to worry about getting the right clothes, accessories, make-up, shoes and beauty treatments.
There's the epilating, waxing, eye brow trimming, curling, perming and rebonding, There's the mani-pedicures(have they finally found the cure?). Putting stuff into their bodies and taking stuff out. Poking their eyes out with contact lens. Leaving the fate of their feet to the cruel Stiletos, Oppressor of the toes.
Just look at the amount of vocabulary you can learn after looking at female cosmetic product descriptions. Whitening serum, age defying cream, exfoiliating facial wash, unclogs pores, oil-balancing and deep moisturising.
Conclusion? Thank GOD I'm a guy and not a pretty boy wannabe.
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