I have not updated my blog for a while now because I have been really lazy, rather busy and in a really dreary mood. But better late than never, I, the prodigal blogger have returned. I will just give you the insights from the inside of my life for the past two months. Please bear with my long-windedness.
Polytechnic life has been positively relaxing, which helped spur interest in my studies. I have sort of evolved into a geek of some sort in school. And for once, I do not feel pressurized to try to be popular or even find a clique. I talk to only one guy in my class and he's rather nice. We do almost everything that is related to school together. I am satisfied with my small circle of friends. And not only am I showing genuine interest in my studies, especially in my marketing, communication and creativity modules, but I have become more attentive now. I realised that I do not like obligations or pressure, especially in my studies. That's why I did not really hesitate about not going to a Junior College. I just could not stand the primary and secondary school pressure systems anymore. Another good thing about my polytechnic is the food. Not only do they offer good economy in the pricing of the food, but the variety and delicacy of the food sold there were incentives to keep me going back for more. And one of the best parts about my polytechnic is that it has a rather wide collection of interesting movie DVDs and also DVD players in the library. I spend most and much of my breaks there with my good friend Jonathan, poring into movie after movie. I don't have much activities except a volleyball elective program that takes up two hours of every Wednesday and I am trying to get into this committee that publishes a school magazine every semester. This is just so suitable for me; I have had enough of committing myself to sports or CCAs or fun-seeking. I have a growing desire to pursue knowledge and skill in the areas of marketing, communication and creativity. An anointed minister of God, Pastor Steven Teo, has also impressed and inspired me with how he used marketing knowledge to manage his spiritual life. I am finally realising and confessing that the 'pen is mightier than the sword'. And after hearing so many men of God mentioning how James, one of Jesus's disciples, died by the sword, I am totally convinced that pens are a better choice for me. I have decided to pursue physical strength and dexterity during National Service. I am sure I will have a lot of time to buff myself up then.
I have just come out of a time of testing and doubt. I was dismayed because I felt like I was playing a religious game; I focused more on the technical parts of learning about management and group dynamics than my personal relationship with God. But God sent me beacons of hope when I felt depressed about my spiritual life. God spoke to me through the books of Ephesians, Galatians and First and Second Corinthians, and an old My Daily Bread booklet that I received long ago but never had the time to go through it. But a cautionary piece of advice would be to avoid sin by all means, because we do lose out on things in the process. I had to minister to this backslidden Christian on a very day when I sinned, and the anointing just was not there. I never found it so hard to think of and give good Godly advice. And because of my sin, I was unable to minister to him effectively. We stand to lose more than just what we have when we sin; our weak brothers and sisters will likewise perish. When I gave in to temptation last week and felt really guilty even after I've confessed, renounced and repented for that sin, God showed me that He is slow to anger, quick to forgive and even quicker to love, affirm and encourage.
I have grown significantly in my walk with God. For the first time in my life, my faith really outweighed my doubts. I learnt to trust in God and use that faith in my prayers and intercession for others. I was really glad God brought a Secondary One disciple called Wei Xiong into my life. His parents initially didn't allow him to come to church and cellgroup but after I started giving him maths tuition and discipleship lessons in his home, his life has been transformed and he has been able to come for both cellgroup and church. I also got to know him and his family better. I do believe that God has a glorious plan for this young man. He actually became a believer by reading the Old Testament on his own. He has a heart for the things of God and some faith. He was the first person I prayed alone with to receive healing and get the gift of tongues, and he actually received them by faith.
I have also been handed the stewardship of a cellgroup but I don't really feel like I am up to the task. Right now, I am only managing and not leading the cellgroup. I have always preferred to be second or third in command rather than to be first; I work better that way. But of course, no one is ever the first in command except God and we all need to proceed on to other levels as we grow to progress even more in our relationship with the Lord. This responsibility requires me to be more relational, reliable and teachable in my conduct and attitudes. This is why I am glad I am learning about communication, because I am not a good communicator and relational being. I am rather selfish when it comes to spending time on other people.
I feel that my giftings are not in relational evangelism but event-based evangelism. I just find it so hard to click with others and get interested in their lives. I always try to get on to the spiritual side of things but I realised that what people want is my attention, friendship and love. Only in the context of event-based evangelism am I able to go into spiritual laws and not need to talk too much about other things. Right now, I am trying to try out basketball evangelism with some of my cellgroup members.
After this long trial, I have realised that the gift that is most precious to me is the gift of always being able to praise and find joy in the Lord. In retrospect, it is exactly this gift and God's love that I have been able to grow in faith and fervor. God was always ready to show Himself to me by His loving deeds.
Since I last wrote, I have witnessed two more demonic manifestations. I do not know exactly what draws my concern, or rather interest, to these incidents. But somehow I feel that it's because of my heart. My heart is still a little devoid of loving care and concern that I am unable to emphatise and symphatise with people's hurts and troubles unless they are really hurt or greatly troubled. This is why I do really weird things like praying for mad men, demonized people and dying folk.
I also learnt that God will never shortchange you. You can never and will never be able to give to God more than what He can and will definitely give you. The spiritual law of sowing and reaping will never be upset. There were times when I was unwilling to give God my best because I did not understand this rule. But God showed me how wrong I was by rewarding me with so much more than what I ever gave Him. There was a fund-raising event for Singapore Polytechnic's endowment fund lately and I had fifty two-dollar tickets to sell. I went around knocking on doors and asking for donations as usual, but was surprised when I managed to sell only seven tickets at one block. Discouraged, I went home filled with doubts about ever trying again. But miraculously, God helped me sell the tickets without me doing much. My dad and aunt bought ninteen tickets. By yesterday, I had fifteen tickets left to sell. And the remarkable thing happened. I had gone up to the eleventh floor of a neighbouring block of flats and proceeded down as I knocked on doors and asked for donations. Four people bought a total of five tickets from me by the time I reached the ninth level. Then, this man I approached asked me how many tickets I had left. I told him ten and he actually bought the whole ten tickets from me to ease me from going around any further, even after I told him that he did not need to and that I was willing to walk more to sell the tickets. I had never, in my success in raising funds if I might add, met such a generous man. Praise be to the Lord who provides.
No comments:
Post a Comment