An Eve for Every Adam (And Vice Versa)
I am twenty years old now and I see many of my peers involved in a boy-girl relationship. There are so many people advising me to get a girlfriend, including my dad, and so much pressure to conform to the world’s patterns of ‘getting attached’.
Sometimes I feel like maybe I need to join in the world-wide frenzy to get a girlfriend or I will lose out on what’s beautiful and worthwhile in this world. Yet in all the confusion and misdirection, God spoke to me about His plan for all of us regarding marriage and love.
It’s quite amazing how God built up this article by giving me snippets of advice and revelation from a song He inspired me to write. I did not even know the full meaning of this song until He explained it to me. From that song and the Bible, this article was formed.
I believe this is what God has to say regarding boy-girl relationships.
First, let’s go back to the beginning of time, back in the Garden of Eden where God first created men and women, to understand what God meant for boy-girl relationships.
Genesis 2:18-25 records,
And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name.
So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
And Adam said:
“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
From this verse, we realize that God initially wanted Adam to enjoy the fullness of a relationship with Him and not be distracted by other relationships which may overtake His place in Adam's heart.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 says
But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.
But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.
There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.
And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
But He decided that it was not good for Adam to be alone and thus created all sorts of animals to accompany him and be a helper comparable to him. But when Adam was not satisfied with all these animals formed from the ground, Eve was finally formed out of the very rib of Adam.
What Were Women Created For?
Women were not created for sex or their physical appeal alone, and men too. As you have realized, God did not create a woman in the first place. Adam was alone for a while before God decided that it was not good for him to be alone.
It was only after Eve was created that God constituted sex, saying that ‘a man shall … be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Even with Eve’s naked body in full view, Adam did not shamefully lust for her or, in fact, considered Eve’s body much.
So what did God create Eve for? God created Eve to be a helper comparable to Adam, like an ox for another ox. By this, I do not mean women are meant to be maids or housewives, because there were no houses in Adam’s time. Women were not meant for menial, minor and manual work or to be in servitude to men like slave girls.
God was creating animals that could help Adam in his work before He finally found the perfect creature, a woman. If it was for manual work alone, the beasts of the field would have more than sufficed and were better than physically weaker girls at that. All the animals could measure up to the ability to perform labour required by Adam but they lacked one thing.
They were animals, not human. They did not have a spirit and many other things. They could not communicate. They could not appreciate art and music, like humans can. And even if they could, they did not have the ability to hold a paintbrush or play a guitar to express the creative works of their soul.
The helper comparable to man could only be found when God custom-made Eve from Adam’s rib. Another human who could do and be what Adam could do and was. What God meant by a helper comparable to man was a partner equivalent in ability and the degree of humaneness.
There is why I believe there’re still many parts of women God wants to and will use to greatly help men in our work and ministry. Their abilities are greatly undermined and unappreciated.
The world has yet to see a woman having the fullness of the woman God intended her to be. And this is partly because men have been acting like tyrant dictators, instead of equal partners.
Waiting For The One
God’s Word for me was simply this: just as He custom-made Eve for Adam, He would continue to make an Eve for every Adam. I believe God has created and desires to match us with a helper comparable to us.
While there may be more Eves now, I believe that God's basic criterion for our spouses is still compatibality of both man and wife in terms of ability. However, ability is loosely-defined as God uses all of us in different ways, whether in intellectual, spiritual or other unknown aspects. We should expect no less from God and our partner.
There are two theories: (1) God made one Eve for every Adam (2) God made a select few Eves that Adam could choose. I believe that even if the second theory holds true, God already knows the one we would choose. So there is still one Eve God meant and knew we would choose.
And all this will come to pass, with God expecting only one thing of us.
Patience is the word, and it is what many of us do not expect and hate to accept. But patience is critical, when you realize how important that one decision is. It’s probably one of the most important decisions you’ll have to make in your life, with direct and enormous effect on your life itself.
Marriage is an important choice; a promise of commitment to an individual for the rest of your life on Earth. Pastor Song preached that marriage is a sacred covenant.
Covenant is another word for a really important promise, meant originally as a promise between God and men. If I am not wrong, the first covenant between God and men was that God would never again destroy the world with water.
God even created the rainbow as a sign to honour this convenant. It was as if God signed on a contract or shook His pinky finger with you. This really shows how serious God is about covenants.
Back to what Pastor Song preached about marriage. He said that God used blood to seal covenants. Blood from lambs were offered in Old Testament periods as Peace/Fellowship Offerings (Leviticus 3:1-17; 7:11-36) to promise peace and communion with God while Jesus was the blood seal for the promise of our salvation in the New Testament periods.
Likewise, Pastor Song preached that marriage is also a sacred covenant. Because God has thus made the hymen to shed blood only during the first sexual intercourse. So when we engage in sexual intercourse for the first time, we are actually signing a contract for life.
Matthew 7:6 says,
“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.
When you sign a contract, be sure that you fully agree to the terms and conditions stated by the other party because you will be legally bound to him/her. So you do not want to make a mistake or regret making a choice because it is not God’s will for us to divorce one another.
Matthew 19:3-9 says,
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’
and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”
He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
Christians: The World’s Worst Romantics?
The world calls Christians the worst romantics. We are the holy, too-scared-to-try-anything, goody-two-shoes nerds who never have any fun.
They consider being romantic as knowing the tricks of the trade, having experience in dabbling with the matters of the heart. The one who has perfected the most fantastic kisses or gift ideas from long experience.
For non-christians, marriage is a game of chance, physical attraction or temporary satisfaction. They do not really care who they marry as long as the person meets their own set criteria or satisfies them temporarily.
Though they claim they believe in fate, what they do is try to fit in a mental picture of the other person in their lives to see if they could be ‘the one’.
They think to themselves, “Would I look good with that cute guy as my boyfriend?”, “Would he fit into my age range and personality type?” or "What would my friends think of him?"
What a simple and narrow-minded way to pick a lifetime partner!
To speak in human and worldly terms, fate, like God’s will, means that there’s only one spouse for you too. So they are living the biggest contradiction when they jump to and fro, like animals, from relationship to relationship.
Animals choose their temporary spouses by chance, attraction or temporary satisfaction. But we were not made to be animals, but to be of higher character, dignity and intellect.
In reality, the world is always ‘trying out’ potentials, waiting for the next better guy or girl. If they do not find the best, they will just stick with the second best. They do not believe that there is already a person destined for them and thus, grab every satisfactory guy or girl that passes along. The whole world is just caught in this selfish insecurity.
If you ask any girl/guy below twenty years old why he/she is involved in a relationship and they will tell you they want to marry that person one day and are building up the relationship earlier and are getting to know the other person better. That is what another female classmate of mine told me when I asked her.
That sounds like a perfect and wise plan but it actually is not. What they are actually doing is setting up a failure and disappointment for themselves because of a premature relationship. A relationship is premature when they are not ready to marry within five years of the get-to-know-each-other gig.
After all, a relationship was intended for marriage and you do not need more than five years to understand a person enough to know if you want to stay with him/her for the rest of your life. We are all very good at judging people so I do not see how we need more than five years to realize whether someone is a good or bad apple.
But sometimes we do love to eat bad apples and we naively and foolishly hope that the bad part will miraculously changed in the name of love. The person, even if he/she wanted to change for you, would not be able to change him/herself much.
This is the one flaw of the human design; we are unable to change ourselves drastically. Even if you bite the bad part of the bad apple off, there is still the worm inside. There are parts of us that will and can never be changed.
So the point is, you do not need all the time in the world to decide. Be patient and wait till you and the person are mature enough to enter a relationship and decide for yourself if that person is who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
If a person you fancy or are attached to is not comparable to you, you just have to accept it and wait for God to reveal your Eve/Adam. You must remember that no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no mind has conceived what God has planned for those who love Him. (1 Corinthians 2:9) You can make a marriage work but you will just suffer and miss out on all the good things that God had planned for you to enjoy.
Start choosing when the time is right and when the fruits of the Spirit in that person is ripe. Why would any logical person look at the inferior product a few years back and deciding instead of waiting to judge the superior product a few years later? If we do not consume unripe fruits before they are ready to be harvested, why would we look for a spouse before they are ready?
But some people will say that they are committed and faithful to make a premature relationship work. However, that does not mean that the relationship will eventually work out till the day you get married.
Many couples break up and an average ‘romantic’ person would have more than five different ‘failed’ relationships. A fellow female intern then told me that no matter what, it was still a learning experience and you get to know different types of people in the world intimately and without pretense.
The truth is, the beginning of the attraction game was already a fad, with the bloke putting on his best behaviour to impress the chick. I see it as a waste of time, effort, money and your youth.
They are missing out on so much more in life. And the stubborn ones would never admit that they might have experienced even better things if they have stayed single.
Love at first sight? More like lust at first sight! And I will prove this to you.
The world treats casual sex casually. They constantly try out ‘potential spouses’ so that they can find a satisfying partner. In the words of one exceptional female classmate, “If you don’t try, what if they’re not good?”
That summarizes the world’s definition of a good spouse: an effective and efficient sex object and product; nothing more.
Take The Most Romantic Way
The most romantic thing you can do for your spouse is to stay pure and committed to her even when you do not know who she is yet.
For non-Christians, they try one and if it does not work out, they look for another. They prostitute themselves to the next best choice because they are worried they cannot find the best. In their shallowness, they pick out what is nice on the outside but not what is necessarily nice on the inside.
But there’s no option B for me. I refuse to take a substitute. I believe and know that God will arrange and bring us together. There is already a custom-made Eve for me and I am the custom-made Adam for her. All we need to do is wait for that one.
A Christian waits on the Lord to reveal to him His will and choice. I await that helper comparable to me, that one special girl above every other in this world. The bone of my bones, the flesh of my flesh that God has created for me. The one that I will be joined to be one flesh forever.
They say arranged marriages last longer than normal ones, and the divorce rates are lower. Though the ‘arranged’ couples initially think it a bad idea, there seems to be a subconscious faith in their parents’ choice and an obvious joy from being destined to be together. What more if we let our Heavenly Father arrange it?
The helper comparable to you will help you greatly in life and ministry of reconciliation and ambassadorship. And I will not accept any other girl, just to show her how much I love her and how she is the only one for me. I choose to fall in love with her only even when there are so many pretty girls out there.
I won't be shallow and let physical beauty define how beautiful a person is. Men look at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart. I won’t fall for those skimpily-clad girls though I admit that they are pretty - pretty insecure.
Sitting, Wishing, Waiting for Her
The world knows that if they truly love somebody, they would only love that person and no one else. They interpret that as not cheating on their partners while they’re in a relationship.
But I want to take up a higher standard. To wait and love only that person in my lifetime. I am not playing hard to get. I want to be impossible to get, except for that one person approved by God and in His timing.
This includes waiting for that person and yourself to mature enough for a healthy relationship. The right guy at the wrong time is the wrong guy.
Songs of Solomon 8:4 says,
Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.
Don’t get me wrong; I do not believe we should marry blindly the first person we get attached to. But we must not conform to the world’s patterns of insecurity and start window shopping too early.
For me, the age is twenty three. But this is a concession, not a commandment. Everyone has to seek God’s timing for themselves.
But I do not believe God wants us to be attached before we turn twenty, unless you are going to marry young. I do not judge but hope that this article will inspire people to follow.
God did not make two or more Eves for Adam. You must know that there are so many women in the world and the possibility of them being your wife is close to zero percent, since your wife is one in a million.
That is why I am careful not to let physical attraction or emotional intimacy trap and tempt me to go into a relationship. I am aware that there is only one girl for me and that I am not at liberty to have a buffet and ‘try out’ potential spouses.
One day, those that I did not marry will be the wife of another man. I am accountable to that man, and the men in this world, not to hurt or take what is precious from the woman he will love and marry.
I want to spare those women whom I will not marry from spiritual, emotional or even physical harms. I want them to be consecrated to the Lord and experience the love and transformation that is in Christ.
This is why I treat every girl as my sister, because I’m excited to see the character and unique personality that the Lord will give to all women and men alike who will seek Him first.
I know my wife will be beautiful inside. I do not know about the outside but I am looking for a girl unique in our aspect. A woman who has loved God through her trials. Someone with a wound from Satan that God has healed. A woman of such deep character and patience.
One day I want to be able to tell my wife that these were my thoughts and actions I had regarding her. To her I dedicate the song below.
“Love Song for My Eve” by the Holy Spirit through James Lin Yuxi
Verse 1:
Hey, Eve, I just want you to know
I’ve been waiting for you
Hey, Eve, I’m not fooling around with
Casual sex and H-I-V
Verse 2:
I don’t believe in what the world believes
I don’t buy the Cinderella story
Love doesn’t need to be blind
We can love with foresight, not at first sight
Chorus:
You’re my Eve
The bone of my bones
The flesh of my flesh
You’re my Eve
The one special girl
God made specially
You’re my Eve
The bone of my bones
The flesh of my flesh
You’re my Eve
The one special girl
God made specially, especially for me
Verse 3:
Hey, Eve, you’re the one for me
I won’t settle for second best
Hey, Eve, I’m not going out on
Blind dates with strangers
Verse 4:
I believe in what I believe
I don’t trust the horoscope readings
Cupid is so stupid
Let’s not mistake our feelings for love
Bridge:
One day we’ll be together
I may not know now who you are
But I’ll trust in God for His promises
And His plans to prosper us
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