Abstract Love
It was a love story taken right out of a movie script. Boy meets girl, they spend a short time together and shared a moment of innocence like childhood sweethearts.
He had never meant for this forbidden love to transpire but this girl changed his life in a deeply profound way. In a way that even now, he fails to comprehend how it occurred.
It was the kind of romance that no longer seemed to exist, or perhaps was never part of cruel reality, being merely a tale woven by loving mothers to lull children to sleep and drive the shadowy nightmares away. After all, how could love in this age be so pure, simple and undemanding?
What was it about her that enraptured me to the point of such fond affection? Was it her warm personality and her openness? Or her eastern descent and western accent? Could it have been her perfectly pale skin, long lashes and slender tobacco lips?
This was not the first time and it certainly would not be the last that I have fallen so foolishly, helplessly and hopelessly in love. Drawn in by the smoke from her cigar, I allowed the ash-gray mist to seep into my lungs and before I knew it, I was hooked on her.
The Perfect Muse
Crushes always leave me crushed, with me falling in love so easily and out of it so slowly.
But love's splendid wonder is this. For every woman I have ever deeply admired, I gained something from them. Whether it is confidence, character or an amiable personality, I took on a part of their persona. Love inspires me to be a better person.
My latest crush taught me confidence in a way no one else had been able to, helping me to transit from feeling like a kid to being a full-fledged adult. She brought death to my inner child and darkness into my soul. For once in my life, I had a glimpse of that dark horse that I am supposed to be.
Besides that, she is such a powerful muse of unparalleled beauty. I’m a songwriter much like Taylor Swift, writing songs out of strong emotions felt from throwing myself into another one-sided infatuation or nursing a broken heart, which usually come together.
Inspiration, like a sudden breeze, seldom blows your way and you have to seize the moment as and when the opportunity arises. The short period when you are half-intoxicated by love and suffering from its hangover is the perfect time to write a song.
It seems that it is the occupational hazard of poets and songwriters to be plagued by one-sided love. Maybe Shakespeare was in love all his life with one woman he never had a relationship with.
Even if nothing ever happens between us, I would still be grateful for having met such a beautiful and wonderful person. She will remain my perfect muse in my mind, without a blemish, flaw or knowledge of her imperfection in my memories.
Tricky little thing called love
When was the last time anyone stopped worrying about the barriers to love and started focusing on the bearers of their affection? I'm a thousand miles away from the keeper of my affection, in a different culture and economy, separated by a vast expanse of excuses why this relationship won't work out.
Yet, my thoughts of her have neither decreased in number nor intensity since the first and last days we met. I find myself indulging in futile fantasies and entertaining foolish hopes.
Does she think of me like I think of her; am I always on her mind? Does she fall asleep wondering if she will be able to forget me when she wakes up?
The only thing swimming in my head now is the contemplation of the relationship between love and fate.
I have always wondered if love was a matter of the external workings of fate or a self-motivated pursuit of infatuation by one or both parties. Does destiny itself bind a man to a woman, regardless of their differences and various difficulties?
Amidst all the lonely hearts and searching souls, how can we determine who’s the right one? Can we confidently say in our old age, “It could have been anybody, but it just had to be her?”
There are people who marry their significant other because of love at first sight. How does one determine that their most recent case of infatuation is not a mere chemical reaction that quickly overflows but soon subsides to nothing more than foam?
One can never tell for sure when a crush is a seasonal bout of evanescent infatuation or the beginning of a lifetime of effervescent passion.
Regrettably, from what I can perceive, destiny seems to hold no regard for the pitiable love affairs of humans, judging from the number of divorces and single mothers in the world.
Love is too tricky a matter for me to understand. I am too picky, being in self-imposed naivety that I will find that perfect someone who fits me to a tee, though I know perfectly she does not exist. Even if she does, I am probably not going to find her in this sea of people in my limited years upon this Earth.
And then there is this whole boy/girl mentality difference. Girls do not like guys to be direct and we are somehow supposed to communicate our affection through a serious of hints and coded messages transmitted via body language and rhetoric. This subject alone should be made a compulsory syllabus in schools. I bet it would greatly ease the problem of an ageing population and low birth rates.
Till we meet again
I never perfectly understood why a man or woman would go through all that pain to hurt other people by being the third party in a relationship. That was until I met her, someone so special I would give anything to possess her heart.
Though they say all is fair in love and war, I have chosen what is better and to admire her from a distance as a respectful friend. I have emptied my heart countless times and it has been filled up again with the passion, hope and joy I get from knowing wonderful women like her.
I will not cease to believe that by a stroke of luck aided by destiny, I might at long last find that immaculate one. Till then, a last song must be sung so that love can cease and take its course of natural death. Like a requiem sang at a mass, a loved one must be bid farewell.
"That Foolish Helpless Feeling" by James Lin Yuxi
Verse 1:
Here it comes again
That foolish, helpless feeling
Why does it hurt so bad
When I try to forget you
Pre-Chorus:
Do you think of me like I think of you; am I always on your mind
It could have been anybody but it had to be you
Chorus:
My heart, does it beat for you
Cause when you’re near me, it works a little harder
How far am I away from you
Why is my heart still pounding
Verse 2:
You’re my June Carter
But I’m not Johnny Cash
We’re star-crossed lovers
Beneath the same blue sky
Verse 3:
Your perfect skin
So pale and lovely
Your tobacco lips
They draw me in
Here it comes again
That foolish, helpless feeling
Why does it hurt so bad
When I try to forget you
Pre-Chorus:
Do you think of me like I think of you; am I always on your mind
It could have been anybody but it had to be you
Chorus:
My heart, does it beat for you
Cause when you’re near me, it works a little harder
How far am I away from you
Why is my heart still pounding
Verse 2:
You’re my June Carter
But I’m not Johnny Cash
We’re star-crossed lovers
Beneath the same blue sky
Verse 3:
Your perfect skin
So pale and lovely
Your tobacco lips
They draw me in
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